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Posts Tagged ‘Engrish’

Lest you think my students are only capable of techno-brutalized Engrish sentences, I thought I should make mention of a few instances where the electronic translator, well, worked…kind of.

Ex #1

Usually, after working through a new reading passage with my students, I request that they create sentences using their newly acquired vocabulary.  Try as I might to get my students to actually invent new sentences, most simply copy the word’s usage directly from the story we read.

Last week, the word “chew” seemed to be particularly problematic.  Their homework, then, amongst other words, was to create a sentence using “chew.”  Statistically speaking, these were the results:
70% returned with a fully plagiarized sentence: “Little Billy chewed his food noisily.”
20%” handed in fairly simple (but commendable nonetheless) sentences of their own imagination:  “I chew food” or, it’s variant, “I chew gum.”
10% (ie. one student) submitted this delightful ‘creation’:  “He spent the whole night chewing it over.”

Ex #2

In a case very similar to that mentioned above, I asked for a sentence Rockhopper Penguincontaining the word “eyebrow.”  We were learning about penguins and had just read about the splendidly amusing features of the Rockhopper Penguin:

“The yellow feathers of the Rockhopper Penguin look like long eyebrows”

Again, most of my students simply copied this sentence as homework; thankfully, however, one student ventured out into the creative realm, writing, “my eyebrows are novel.”

I chuckled aloud at the idea of ‘novel eyebrows’ but my student was quick to come to the defense of his sentence.  He stated emphatically that, yes, his eyebrows were very novel indeed.  I looked up from his homework to see for myself.  And sure enough, his eyebrows, though wide enough to be bushy, were, in fact, rather sparse– the hairs receding up into his forehead sporadically, with no clear delineation of a single brow.  It was a wonder I had never noticed them before.

“You’re right!” I conceded, “your eyebrows are rather novel!”

Ex. #3

This has nothing to do with techno-translators, but everything to do with a good quote.

I have a student who, on any given day, would far rather be playing computer games than studying English (okay, I have more than a few of these types).  But no other student is like this one.  First of all, his name, Luigi RunsLuigi, is derived from the (in?)famous Nintendo character.  Luigi is quite big for his age, consistently lumbers into class late, and never, absolutely never, has a pencil with him.  But I really enjoy working with him; the more difficult it is to interest a student, the more rewarding it can be when you (finally) have them focused and learning.

Yesterday, unfortunately, Luigi was less than interested.  He squirmed all class, tuning in only insofar as his needing to answer the occasional question.  Near the close of class, he interrupted the lesson with lazy waves of his hand and an equally tired, almost anguished, call:

Teacher, teacher, teacher, teacher…I have question.
H’m, yes, Luigi.
Who made English?
Well, no one really.  It happened over 1500 years ago.
Well, I want to kill him.

The bell rings, leaving me feeling quite enamored with my profession.

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Clothes I'm Wearing... by englishbanana.com

Recently, I was teaching a lesson on clothing to beginner students.  We worked through the standard vocabulary and associated verb structures fairly quickly, so I pushed them to begin describing the clothes.  We reviewed the use of adjectives and I taught them more descriptive vocabulary words (ie.  plaid, striped, checkered); the results, in class, were quite pleasing.

For homework, then, I asked them to write a paragraph detailing their favourite item of clothing.  This they happily did, returning the next day with some rather extensive descriptions of their wardrobes.  One of my students, evidently at a loss for words at home,  had most definitely turned to her technological translator for help.  The result was a somewhat confusing paragraph,  perhaps best proved by the following abstracted sentence:

My white hoody and pink checkered skirt is each other compound is good and cute.

And while I’m on the subject of lessons on clothing, I thought I would include the following open letter to the people of Happy House Publishing:

Dear Happy House Publishing, Department of Curriculum Development

If you hope to guide students through a “delightfully imaginative learning environment,” as is your stated goal, might I suggest not including images of young girls in their undergarments?  What Is She Wearing?

It really causes unnecessary turmoil, what with nine year old boys clawing at their eyes, crawling under their desks, and screeching horrifically all the while.  The braver ones always venture to re-open their books, tentatively and by peripheral vision,  to page 54 only to slide it in front of the unsuspecting eyes of another boy, resulting in, quite obviously, a complete repetition of the aforementioned actions.

As you might intuit from the above description, the sum total of newly  acquired English verges on absolutely nil.  Granted some of the students are yelling, “ahh my gawd!” which does pass for spoken English, but I think you see my point.

Thank you for weighing my recommendations and I look forward to working with your revised editions.

Sincerely,
Geoff Martin

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According to Aesop, there was once a The Goose with the Golden Egg
goose that laid golden eggs.  Of course, the farmer, who quite happily collected the droplets of pure gold, became rapidly rich and even more rapidly greedy.  Not content to wait through the gestation of gold, he decided to kill the goose in order to harvest, in full, its precious source.

After reading the above story in class one day, I asked my students to summarize it in their own words.  Their tendency, when “summarizing” is to either copy the entire story verbatim or to pick and choose random sentences to form a scattered, incomprehensible account.  Neither is preferable.

Fortunately, one of my students attempted to actually summarize the story.  Unfortunately, she relied on her techno-translator to supply the new vocabulary required.  As such, the final sentence of her summary ended up like this:

Then the farmer killed the goose and opened up the goose’s intention.

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